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Frustrations
I've decided not to continue with the RPG I've been writing for for over a year now.
For me it came down to not dealing with bullshit anymore. I was tired of biting my tongue and not saying what was really bothering me during the whole thing.
I guess either way the RPG will continue. Kudos.
It won't continue with my character or my words though. And if they decide to move on and not make them all teenagers, they won't use my words as a basis for a new Lavender.
As far as I'm concerned, she's my character. Yes she was a part of PR, but I made her the way she is. Good or bad. So I'm going to keep my words. Since they're mine.
I did want the RPG to be a success, but after my own little piece of drama, I knew then that it wasn't fun for me anymore. I've said it before, I'm not one for confrontations, but I don't back down if there is one. I don't like bullshit. I speak straight. Sometimes it's not appreciated, but that's the way I am.
So when other stuff started happening with two of my good friends, JP and Jo, it got me frustrated. So, for the first time in a long time, I became vocal.
And it felt good. Very good.
It's a short lived thing though. For that is. I'm not going to be going forward past October 2nd anyway. But at least I said something. I didn't hide my head in the sand. But with the continuation of the RPG, it seems that it's going to be an old problem with a new face. Thanks for that JP... it was inspirational.
Unless the issues that were raised are dealt with PR will crash and burn and never truly rise from the ashes. None of the issues I brought up were even mentioned. So again it's a "who cares what you think" attitude that pisses me off.
And all I hear is how stressful it is for those who run the RPG. Well guess what... my life is no bunch of roses. I have my own stress and my own problems that got compounded by my "hobby". So I don't particularly care about that. Everyone has problems. Some are more serious than others, but don't sit there and belittle anyone's stress to make yours look that much worse.
My mom has cancer. Had to go through chemo and radiation. I have family members who are sick as well and my boyfriend's grandmother fell and broke her collarbone... right after burying her husband. So excuse me if I don't think that this RPG is worth my time anymore.
In fact, I'm sick of HP fandom. I've got some wonderful friends from it, and I wouldn't change that for anything, but let's face it. The most corrupt, hateful and backstabbing fandom is HP. It's disgusting. Seriously.
The only joy I get right now is writing, but not HP. That's what is sad. It was my love for HP that brought into this world. I still love the site I have with Sally, I would never give that up, but I'm not going to make myself sick with PR. Not anymore. As far as I'm concerned it's done in October.
For me it came down to not dealing with bullshit anymore. I was tired of biting my tongue and not saying what was really bothering me during the whole thing.
I guess either way the RPG will continue. Kudos.
It won't continue with my character or my words though. And if they decide to move on and not make them all teenagers, they won't use my words as a basis for a new Lavender.
As far as I'm concerned, she's my character. Yes she was a part of PR, but I made her the way she is. Good or bad. So I'm going to keep my words. Since they're mine.
I did want the RPG to be a success, but after my own little piece of drama, I knew then that it wasn't fun for me anymore. I've said it before, I'm not one for confrontations, but I don't back down if there is one. I don't like bullshit. I speak straight. Sometimes it's not appreciated, but that's the way I am.
So when other stuff started happening with two of my good friends, JP and Jo, it got me frustrated. So, for the first time in a long time, I became vocal.
And it felt good. Very good.
It's a short lived thing though. For that is. I'm not going to be going forward past October 2nd anyway. But at least I said something. I didn't hide my head in the sand. But with the continuation of the RPG, it seems that it's going to be an old problem with a new face. Thanks for that JP... it was inspirational.
Unless the issues that were raised are dealt with PR will crash and burn and never truly rise from the ashes. None of the issues I brought up were even mentioned. So again it's a "who cares what you think" attitude that pisses me off.
And all I hear is how stressful it is for those who run the RPG. Well guess what... my life is no bunch of roses. I have my own stress and my own problems that got compounded by my "hobby". So I don't particularly care about that. Everyone has problems. Some are more serious than others, but don't sit there and belittle anyone's stress to make yours look that much worse.
My mom has cancer. Had to go through chemo and radiation. I have family members who are sick as well and my boyfriend's grandmother fell and broke her collarbone... right after burying her husband. So excuse me if I don't think that this RPG is worth my time anymore.
In fact, I'm sick of HP fandom. I've got some wonderful friends from it, and I wouldn't change that for anything, but let's face it. The most corrupt, hateful and backstabbing fandom is HP. It's disgusting. Seriously.
The only joy I get right now is writing, but not HP. That's what is sad. It was my love for HP that brought into this world. I still love the site I have with Sally, I would never give that up, but I'm not going to make myself sick with PR. Not anymore. As far as I'm concerned it's done in October.
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You should try writing drabbles. They're fun, and they don't lock you into a commitment.
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I've tried my hand at drabbles and I'm not that great.
I don't mind commitment, but right now it's the commitment to the RPG that has me frazzled. I'm currently writing a fic for another fan community that I recently found and love. Hopefully it will light the spark for HP fan fiction again.
Frustration is like the flu... it is catching!!!
Self-importance and egos have crept in, suffocating the life out of each of us. We started to get so caught up with our roles and we forgot that this hobby was primarily started for us to have fun and hopefully make real lifelong friends. If we do not see this then it is a very very sad time indeed for everyone.
I have left rpg because although individual writers have excellent storylines, any suggestion to the main plot has been seen as a threat even if the whole purpose of these suggestions was to enhance, improve and develop. Then there was the question of being monitored very very closely. It is like being in a prison.
Lavender has played a very important role in that the character has contributed to the development of storylines. You have given so much and it is time to let go.
Please continue to write, however. You have a creative talent and it will be a shame if you will put this in the back burner.
Re: Frustration is like the flu... it is catching!!!
I've decided to try my hand at some original work with JP and try my hand at writing an anime fan fic to see if I can do it.
I might make you beta. LOL. Just kidding. I know you're swamped right now. Heee. Go girl!!!
Re: Frustration is like the flu... it is catching!!!
xxxxx
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And I hope you keep writing, no matter what it is, because you have talent.
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I have a blast talking to you and I enjoyed writing with you the few times we did.
Bahhhhh! Heee.
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HPCR is still fun, which is great for me.
Never was one for drabbles, tried it and I don't know if I did any good at them. LOL.
LOL. Are you trying to hint at something? A seventh year fic? Hmmmmm? Hee hee. I'm giving up on HP for a bit... might pick up pen and parchment for it in the near future, but I'm working on an original story and another genre for a fic.